‘Three’ an Uneven Number

THE boys in pinstripes might have been the main attraction when the World Series last graced the gritty streets of the Bronx, but it was an Irishman who stole the show. 

Irish Tenor Ronan Tynan hit a home run night after night with his triumphant take on “God Bless America,” making Hibernians around the globe proud to claim this remarkable man as one of our own.

He was the king of the Bronx on the nights that he sang, so it is appropriate that he joins his two tenor titans in The Irish Tenors for a Christmas CD called We Three Kings. Finbar Wright and Anthony Kearns round out the trio that causes the Celtic spirit to soar when notes fly out of their golden throats.

So why is the disc such a crushing disappointment?

We Three Kings will go down in history as the most uneven disc ever created. As you would expect, the bedrock Christmas hymns in the middle of this set are delivered with unparalleled authority. To hear Finbar Wright sing “How Great Thou Art” is to hear the voice of God coming from your speakers, and the trio drain every drop of commanding drama from “O Holy Night” and “Silent Night.” The duo of Kearns and Tynan storming through “Panis Angelicus” is like watching Michelangelo paint a chapel ceiling and the overall acoustics on Mount Olympus suit these Irish Tenors well.

Getting to these works of art requires that the listener cut through some serious drivel that bookend either side of the disc, however. They enter into regrettable American Idol territory as they attempt a whimsical sass delivery for “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.” They seem as out of place as Al Gore in a mosh pit. Their producer should be taken out back, drawn, and quartered for allowing the group to take the mike for a train wreck reading of the Pogues’ “Fairytale of New York.”

Say what you will about the man, but I think we can all agree that no one sings this song like Shane. “It was Christmas eve, babe, in the drunk tank,” is one of the best bits of Irish prose ever committed to music, made even better when delivered by vocal chords caked in dried vomit and cemetery clay. 

On We Three Kings, the Irish Tenors sound like chirpy choirboys wetting themselves in one corner of that jail cell, woefully out of place as “the boys in the NYPD choir are singing ‘Galway Bay.’” 

Not since William Shatner recorded “Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds” has a classic been slaughtered with such homicidal abandon.

The end of the disc represents another criminal choice of material. Perhaps this is my inner Scrooge talking, but it seems a bit too precious to drop a pair of patriotic ditties at the end of this Irish Christmas CD as America’s thoughts turn to our uniformed loved ones fighting the good fight overseas this holiday season.

Like Tynan’s delivery of “God Bless America,” this could very well be a love letter to their home away from home. I really want to believe that. As they sing, however, one can just picture the Irish Tenors surrounded by a team of goateed, pony tailed hipsters at their label, consulting demographic data points on a pie chart as they plot their CD’s sequencing. 

At least the boys at the record company got the packaging of the CD right. The cellophane wrap that normally annoys a music buyer serves a dual purpose; when turned inside out, it allows you to safely pick the turds out of this sweet sonic eggnog without getting your hands dirty. Editing this disc down from 17 tracks to 14 would have kept We Three Kings on their throne, proving once again that less is sometimes more.