A Very Special Couple

Marvelous couple are Charlie and Camilla. She never worked a day in her life because she had a massive inheritance, and he — well, if you want to call what he does work, good luck. 

Fell for each other you see, madly in love. Even while he was married. Were taped talking dirty to each other. Splendid! Here’s an extract.

“Oh God,” says Charles. “I’ll just live inside your trousers or something. It would be so much easier.” 

“What are you going to turn into?” Camilla replies. “A pair of knickers or something?” 

“Or, God forbid, a Tampax,” responded the heir to the throne.

Good show! A future king of England sees himself as Tampax. Now they are to get married. 

Fawning press, except for the Star newspaper which headlines “Boring Old Gits to Marry.” 

Main preoccupation of media — Charles’ comments that Camilla’s wedding dress must “show off her divine bosom.” Certainly hope so. 

Major media revelation — that Camilla likes to throw her used underwear all over her house, for the help to pick up. Topping.

Very important, says media, to find out whether Camilla curtseys to Princess Anne or the opposite. Seems like Anne will do the bowing. 

Wonderful, can’t wait. Only a couple of months more.

SDLP in Fighting Form

The SDLP leader Mark Durkan was certainly in a combative mood when he spoke at his party’s reception in New York at the Mutual of America building on Monday night.

Durkan knows that the upcoming British election will pit his party and Sinn Fein against each other in a fight to the death. The SDLP has been losing ground, but the recent bank robbery in Belfast and the allegations of criminality may have deeply hurt Sinn Fein.

Durkan’s hard line was to be expected then. He himself is in a tough race against Mitchell McLoughlin, the Sinn Fein spokesman in Derry. 

Were the SDLP to lose John Hume’s old seat it would be disastrous for the party. We can expect lots of mudslinging between now and election day in May.

Hume in Fine Fettle

Good to see John Hume in fine fettle at the Mutual of America reception. Rumors about Hume’s health have been sweeping Irish circles for some time now, but the Nobel Prize winner certainly seemed to be well and rested.

Hume will step out of the political limelight altogether after the British election when he resigns his seat. However, don’t assume he will just fade away. 

The Derry man still has lots to say about the peace process, and as one of the original architects he deserves to be heard.

More Hume Honors

Speaking of John Hume, he will be honored at a reception hosted by Senator Edward Kennedy on Capitol Hill this Wednesday, February 16.

A huge number of representatives, senators and other luminaries are expected to be present when Hume says his final farewell to the Washington arena which he graced for so many years. He will be long remembered for almost single-handedly building a “coalition of the willing” on Irish issues.

Hume will also be honored at a subsequent dinner at the Irish Embassy residence in Washington, hosted by Ambassador Noel Fahey. Again, many of the great and good in Washington are down to attend.

Sinn Fein In Election Battle

Before the North’s election in May, Sinn Fein will be involved in another vital contest in Co. Meath when the by-election will be held on March 11 to replace former Prime Minster John Bruton, who has become European Union ambassador to Washington.

Sinn Fein’s Joe Reilly has a very high profile in the constituency and polled very well in the last election, barely missing a seat. There was widespread expectation that he would come very close on the next occasion.

However, the latest round of anti-Republican media coverage in the south has meant that Reilly might well be damaged goods as far as the electorate are concerned. 

There are plans for party leader Gerry Adams to campaign hard for Reilly and ensure that, even if he does not take the seat, that the party’s percentage total of the vote will not drop.

Fury Over Taxi Costs

The Ulster Scots Agency — yes, the one whose former Chief Executive Stan Mallon was convicted of child abuse in the U.S., has run into further trouble.

The agency funded by the Irish and British governments was set up to foster a revival of Ulster Scots dialect, despite the fact that a European Union investigation could not find a single speaker of the dialect.

However, it was set up anyway as a sop to unionism demanding parity with the Irish language. Now the former head of the agency, a wonderful gent called Lord Laird, has been hit with a flood of stories about his creative use of government funds. 

They included Œ4,000 in taxi fares, for trips between Belfast and Dublin and Belfast and Derry. 

When asked about them Laird, who would cheerfully go unrecognized in any town in Ireland, said he took them for security reasons as he wore a kilt in Dublin and was worried that he would be attacked. Sounds like a bunch of haggis to us!