Irish Pubs and Bars worldwide in our Irish Pub Directory - New York, London, Sydney, Boston, Dublin, San Francisco, Toronto. You can also find songs, drinking games, quotes, toasts & more!

You lose arguments with inanimate objects 

You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth

Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream

The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!

Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!

"Norm!" is what they say when you enter a party.

When you can focus better with one eye closed

the parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar

Every woman you see has an exact twin

If you keep asking your wife "where are the kids?" but you don't really have a wife. She's really your couch. Plus you have nothing but beer

You fall off the floor...

Discover  liquid cleaning supplies have mysteriously disappeared

Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops

Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!

Beer: it's not just for breakfast anymore. - There's a sandwich in every beer

The glass keeps missing your mouth!

When you go to donate blood and they ask what proof??

Vampires catch a buzz after attacking you [also mosquitoes!]

only drinking problem's not having a drink right now

At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."

Your idea of cutting back is less seltzer

When vomiting becomes a relief!!

Having a hard time staying on the side walk - left, right stumble fall

You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmm.

The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...

Every night you're beginning to find your roomate's cat more and more attractive.

Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol.

waking up with a traffic cone between your legs -

I'm not drunk... you're just sober... - HI OCIFER!!!!!!!!!

Problem? I Drink, I get Drunk, I Fall down....where's the problem??

If you're on a diet, you cut back your food calories to allow for alcohol calories - realist

The bourbon bottle's empty...that's the problem! - Hey...let's go get some more!

When the bar owner actually carved your name onto your own barstool 

Roseanne looks good.

Don't recognise wife unless seen through bottom of glass

You LIKE the Barney socks you have on.

That damned pink elephant followed me home again.

I'm as jober as a sudge!

Mosquitoes spiral down to the ground in circles after biting you.

You find yourself in a room on a train arriving in Tiajuana and the last thing you remember is being in a bar in NYC!

You've fallen and you can't/(don't want to) get up.

When hangovers become an attractive alternative lifestyle.

You listen to the radio and start dancing to hootie and the blowfish.

Your favorite drink is ethanol.

You can't remember what your family looks like... or if you have a family.

You spend a whole night holding up walls to prevent their (your) collapse.